that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
