u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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