The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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