1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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