Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
