come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
