We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
