Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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