So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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