and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
