I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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