We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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