if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
