this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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