well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
