he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
