Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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