We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
