i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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