I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That accounts for only three of the penises
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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