Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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