he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
