i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
