Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Operation Purity has been aborted
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
