Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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