Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
