Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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