Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
