I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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