PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Barsexuality is the new black.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
