IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
