Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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