i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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