The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I skipped work to stalk him.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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