how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
