my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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