he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
