haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
