so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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