I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
