i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My life is pants optional.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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