I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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