My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
