i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He has the fingertips of a God
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
