when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
