it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
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Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?