Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."

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  (801): We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move." http://tfl.nu/deqa
  Replies (33) Good night (4509) Bad night (613)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness

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  (513): did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness http://tfl.nu/hxgt
  Replies (70) Good night (929) Bad night (5562)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong

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  (914): Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong http://tfl.nu/jy3c
  Replies (23) Good night (4131) Bad night (657)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.

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  (781): Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night. http://tfl.nu/89jq
  Replies (15) Good night (1722) Bad night (4119)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.

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  (304): I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird. http://tfl.nu/9ztz
  Replies (9) Good night (820) Bad night (2115)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.

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  (913): Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/5vu2
  Replies (5) Good night (1602) Bad night (811)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.

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  (954): I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people. http://tfl.nu/j7bv
  Replies (10) Good night (1800) Bad night (739)
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  (925): View more from California

  Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?

  (1-925): View more from California

  Come on man nobody wants to admit that

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  (925): Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night? (1-925): Come on man nobody wants to admit that http://tfl.nu/8oz0
  Replies (7) Good night (2996) Bad night (734)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't text me with that hand

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  (410): SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR (610): Don't text me with that hand http://tfl.nu/c1bj
  Replies (16) Good night (3451) Bad night (672)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.

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  (618): His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark. http://tfl.nu/bjsg
  Replies (9) Good night (1164) Bad night (1324)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  That's me emphasizing the ridiculous

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  (808): RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS (808): That's me emphasizing the ridiculous http://tfl.nu/j8gk
  Replies (1) Good night (730) Bad night (286)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.

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  (203): Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor. http://tfl.nu/mf50
  Replies (1) Good night (881) Bad night (347)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I almost fell asleep reading that.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I almost fell asleep fucking it.

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  (405): No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora. (405): I almost fell asleep reading that. (405): I almost fell asleep fucking it. http://tfl.nu/v47a
  Replies (5) Good night (508) Bad night (956)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.

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  (814): I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait. http://tfl.nu/20g4
  Replies (2) Good night (724) Bad night (400)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.

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  (843): I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea. http://tfl.nu/jdvw
  Replies (1) Good night (269) Bad night (453)

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