North Korea, Best Korea!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They took my balls.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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