Your dad touched me again.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
