Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.

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  (914): Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective. http://tfl.nu/41o9
  Replies (15) Good night (661) Bad night (1921)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

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  (734): I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue. http://tfl.nu/xccr
  Replies (8) Good night (988) Bad night (3171)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"

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  (484): the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?" http://tfl.nu/cfh8
  Replies (68) Good night (4345) Bad night (1542)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (26209) Bad night (4685)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

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  (806): What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head??? http://tfl.nu/gwk9
  Replies (30) Good night (4656) Bad night (1529)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..

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  (503): I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus.. http://tfl.nu/6jqk
  Replies (12) Good night (1136) Bad night (3678)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.

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  (803): could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning. http://tfl.nu/cs20
  Replies (2) Good night (1207) Bad night (580)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.

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  (248): We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh. http://tfl.nu/c1tt
  Replies (7) Good night (1415) Bad night (583)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.

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  (570): Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled. http://tfl.nu/weru
  Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (412)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!

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  (956): WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?! http://tfl.nu/nv7y
  Replies (12) Good night (1821) Bad night (612)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?

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  (410): the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right? http://tfl.nu/bfic
  Replies (1) Good night (640) Bad night (307)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?

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  (812): Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout? http://tfl.nu/r4f3
  Replies (9) Good night (386) Bad night (729)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.

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  (785): That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA. http://tfl.nu/53zt
  Replies (4) Good night (1334) Bad night (335)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter

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  (402): Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter http://tfl.nu/7i88
  Replies (1) Good night (546) Bad night (280)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.

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  (561): Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin. http://tfl.nu/zfxh
  Replies (0) Good night (225) Bad night (88)

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