I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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