A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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