There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
