Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
