...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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