He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A+ Viking dick
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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