True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
