its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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