you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
