I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
