I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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