Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
