Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
