yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
