I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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