I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
