I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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