Don't you send me to vm
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
