We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
