That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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