I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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