you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
