alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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