please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
