Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
