I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
