My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
3pm strippers are depressing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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