Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
