Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
