please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
