I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
